Don't Let it Slip on By

Have you ever felt like time was just slipping right on past you and no matter what you tried to do to slow it down you couldn't? 

That is a feeling that is all too familiar to me lately. For the past week my brother has been in Missouri visiting his girlfriend and her family. This is partly why I feel things moving fast I think because I see my brother growing up and falling in love. I see change in my future to my immediate family. But the biggest reason I am feeling this is because for the past few days my mom, dad and I have been spending hours every night after work in front of my dad’s laptop watching old home videos. 

My dad is working on converting them from VHS to DVD and storing them on to a hard drive so that we do not lose them. This is not something we did growing up. In fact, I don’t think I have ever watched home videos with my family. 

Every night we sit there together and we laugh and we hold back tears as we watch the younger versions of ourselves on the screen. For me, I get emotional  when I hear my mom and dad talking to me as a little girl. Hearing my dad say, “Jess. Hey Jess! Jess, look here.” And then  see my little head turn and my eyes light up and I smile at age, one, two, three…etc. And then to watch my mom help me open my presents and dance around the living room with me in our PJ’s. It all just brings tears to my eyes. I have also really enjoyed seeing my great grandparents. I hardly remember my great grandpa Ponzio. He passed away when I was three. But when we would arrive at their house you would hear him say, “There’s my itty bitty princess!” And he was constantly talking to me and calling me princess or pretty girl. It is so precious to me.  (I think this is why I have always felt like a Princess growing up!) ;) 

We have recently gotten to the videos of Zach. I love seeing my brother when he was a baby! What I love even more is seeing him and I interact. I know now, at age 24 (25 in a week!) that those days were the days when a lifetime friendship was being formed. As I think about all these memories I feel so blessed. 

I am turning 25 next week. I realize that isn't old but I can’t believe 25 years has already passed me by! I feel like I can hardly remember it all and being aware of that makes me feel like time is passing so quickly right in front of me. I want to slow it all down but I can’t. I live at home still. I had many days in the past year that were hard and made me wish I was living on my own and I still do want that eventually. However, I am in a place in my life right now where I am just so happy to be living at home and spending time with my family. It seems like it is the most important thing in my life. I used to be so focused on my social life and now I feel like that has taken a back seat. All I really care about right now is soaking up every last moment I have with my family. I know now that time flies by so quickly and one day you are looking back and wondering where it all went. I don’t want to look back one day and realize it all slipped on by me and I missed out. 

I want to take it all in now, enjoy it and never let another moment slip on by.

The Best Feeling in the World.

As an older sister, some of the best feelings in the world come from times shared with your siblings. Some of the worst feelings can come from that as well, I am sure. For me, my best friend is my brother. I have enjoyed so many great memories and wonderful moments growing up with him. In the last year or so he has become the person I talk to the most. He has consoled me when I have cried, laughed with me when I am happy and led me to the cross time and time again. I could not ask for a better brother!

Last October he started dating his first and only girlfriend, Sarah. Before he told her he wanted to pursue her he came and talked to me. He asked me if I would pray for his decision and he asked me to tell him if I felt like God was telling me anything. Honestly, at first I was not too sure. I had selfish thoughts such as, "he can't date her! she lives in Missouri!" The last thing I want is for my brother to move back to Missouri when I have plans on staying in Colorado! And as much as I liked Sarah, I just was not sure that they made a good couple. They had a lot of things in common and they seemed to make great friends but a couple...? I just wasn't sure. But I told him that I would pray for him and let him know what I thought. Days went by and then weeks and I had not heard one single sign or urgency from God to tell Zach to not follow through with his plans to talk to Sarah. As much as I wanted to tell him that I had, I couldn't. So the weekend came where he was going to fly to Missouri for camp and he was planning on talking to her there. 

In January Sarah came to visit. The trip went well I suppose. I felt like leading up to it that that trip would tell a lot for me. I knew these two had been able to carry on a relationship long distance but I wasn't sure how it would be with her around and I wasn't sure how I would feel with her around. The trip was not bad by any means. However, most of the time I did not know where my place was. I felt like I needed to give them their time alone and so I pretty much left them alone and kept to myself. I began to feel left out and like I was being replaced so to speak in my brother's life. This was a feeling that I did not life. AT ALL. So I had a little chat with Sarah one of her last days here and I just told her how important Zach was to me. He is my only brother I told her and whoever he ends up with...well she will be my only sister in law and I want us to be friends. So, I told her it was important that her and I were friends. She said that made her feel SO much better which made me feel better as well but I still wasn't 100% sure how I felt yet.

I am writing about all of this and thinking through all these things because Sarah just left tonight from her second trip here but this time she took Zach with her. Her and my friend, Veronica came into town last Wednesday and Veronica stayed until Sunday night and then Sarah stayed until tonight. Her and Zach went back to Missouri and he is there until next Thursday. This trip was much different than the last. I don't know if it was because Veronica was here at the beginning and so it was really natural for us all to hang out or if God has just begun to change things in my heart towards Sarah. But either way, I really enjoyed her time here. I had some good laughs and conversations with her. And most importantly, I was able to see how happy my brother is with her. One of the best feelings in the world is seeing your brother happy. When I dropped them off at the airport tonight I had such mixed emotions. I was sad to see Sarah go, sad to see my brother growing up and yet happy to see how happy is with her.

Sharing emotions and special moments with friends and family is special but sharing them with a sibling is something that is unlike anything else. The bond between a brother and sister is so special and so different than any other bond and having a bond like that...well, it's the best feeling in the world.