I have been having an ongoing conversation with multiple friends of mine lately and I know I am not the only one having it. It is a conversation worth having in my opinion. So bear with me here as I begin to blog through an incomplete and unformed thought. The topic is broad and varies but ultimately comes down to two things: relationships and sex. In a society that is all consumed with all of the above how does a twenty something live a life without either?
"Don't have sex. Just don't do it!"
I come from the "true love waits" culture. A culture that I believe has skewed mine and many others idea of relationships. By listening to sermons, reading books and having conversations about not having sex and guarding your heart we have done just that and more. We have guarded our hearts all right. We have built a wall so wide, so tall and so strong and we did not stop there. We then placed guards all around it so that no one could get in! Why? Well because we were told that we must guard our heart because if we don't we will probably have sex because all men want one thing right? SEX! Well I am beginning to think that might be a lie. I don't discount that men are sexual beings but I would argue that men want more than just sex. Our society has made women think that men just want sex and I would go as far as saying we have even made men think that all they want is sex! We are all human beings and we all want relationship. We were created for relationship with each other. We want to be loved, cared for, touched, heard, protected. And now we have twenty somethings (women in particular) yearning to be married and complaining that they are not but too afraid to let their wall come down and I am one of them! Don't hear me saying that we should teach our teens to have sex and not to guard their heart because that is not what I am getting at. I believe that those are good messages to preach but I do think that we need to teach women what it means to guard your heart while being open. Open to all sorts of possibilities-not just to love. Which brings me to my next thought....
"What are we waiting for?"
True love waits. Lady in waiting. While I'm waiting...Our church culture has a lot of us thinking that we should spend out life waiting for something. The only thing I remember reading in scripture that we should be waiting on is Jesus' return. I don't even remember God telling me to wait on my true love or to wait on a husband. I understand the concept behind these thoughts and phrases. The problem I have begun to have with them is that we have ourselves convinced that our life will begin, we will be happier, life will be easier (whatever it may be) once whatever we are waiting on arrives. This could be a husband, a wife, a new home, kids, weight loss, a new job, etc. Why are we waiting to live our lives? Again, I am preaching to myself. For the longest time I was trapped in this cycle. I was waiting for a man to come along to marry me. My life would begin then but I was not open to any men because I was "guarding my heart" which really just translated to "back off buddy" which placed me right back at square one of waiting.
I don't have all the answers. All I know is that I am done waiting and I am going to work on dismissing my guards and bringing someone in (Jesus) to tear down the wall blocking--I mean guarding my heart from feeling anything because I just don't believe that is how God intended us to live.